It’s out of style to admit it, but it is more important to be hot than smart…Effortlessly hot.
-- Kat Jiang, high school senior, 2400 SAT
A recent article in the NY Times discusses the pressures faced by a group of 17-year old high school girls in a yuppy
I think many of us have faced this smart vs. pretty conflict since our grade school years. I even wrote one of my college essays about the challenges of being the only cheerleader in my AP classes. (yes, I was a cheerleader. I grew up in a small town in
For me, a big part of the learning and growth during high school was about becoming comfortable with myself. Learning to be hot and hang out with the cool kids, without being afraid to admit that I’m smart and care about grades and intellectualism and college. By the spring of my senior year, my high school class had decided that I was the Most Intelligent Female and had the Best Smile. I’d like to think that they were right, and that I had succeeded in “being myself,” and being respected for it.
But when I went to college, I started feeling the same insecurities again. Even at Stanford, I somehow always felt like the nerd who was studying while everyone else was partying. And the cool kids still didn’t give a shit about intellectualism, or the Fed. To make matters worse, people seemed to think my cheerleader smile was fake and annoying.
It wasn’t until junior year rolled around and everyone started interviewing for internships that I finally began feeling respected for my nerdiness. Suddenly, those with good jobs were the coveted ones, and I was fortunate enough to be one of them. So eventually I came to terms with being “geeky chic” and finally came into my own.
But the underlying insecurity never really went away. It wasn’t that I suddenly stopped caring about what others thought; it’s just that others started caring about the stuff I was good at.
And so, the self-doubt remained – am I hot or not? The truth is, no matter how far society progresses, women are still judged on attractiveness first. And I’ve never really felt up to the mark. Maybe it’s because I was a brown girl growing up in the Bible Belt. Or because I’m short and curvy. Or because I have unruly hair. Or because I’ve never really been one of those girls who’s worshipped for her beauty. I’ve always questioned my hotness, because I’ve always judged myself based on what others think.
Until now. I am happily married with an enviable sex-life. My husband tells me I’m the hottest woman in the world, and, I can see myself in the mirror while he’s saying it. I look pretty damn good. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter that I’m not tall, with silky hair and a flat stomach. And it doesn’t matter what others worship. I enjoy looking at myself. I am beautiful in my own way. And I’m pretty smart too.
4 comments:
So, would you rather be smart or pretty? You'd think it would be a no brainer right? Of course I would rather be smart! But i have realized that good looks makes my life easier in so many ways.
now that i am in a solid relationship i think i would definitely choose having smarts. but i remember i asked myself this question a few years ago. and after reflecting for a while I decided that hands down I would have rather been pretty.
it's a tough question. on the one hand, if you're pretty but not smart, you get all the perks of being worshipped by society without having the burden of a demanding intellect. but, then can you imagine giving up your mental awareness for anything in the world?
i just consider myself fortunate to have a bit of both :)
I always thought that by anyone’s measure you were incredibly beautiful but that is beside the point. But perhaps the real question here is one of culture and identity and feeling beautiful only if you fit a certain stereotype of attractiveness. That definitely took me some time to get over. Only when I arrived in the melting pot that is NYC did I begin to appreciate myself and appreciate my difference.
As far as the smart question, to me it has always been a question of being passionate and interesting rather than smart. I found intelligence a sort of dime-a-dozen quality that most people around me seemed to have. However, the ability to be really passionate and original and care about what mattered in this world, that was something special. It is something I have always found incredibly attractive in both men and women, and something that has always trumped physical beauty or classical smarts. Maybe it is because I know how difficult it is to cling to my own passions and interests when submerged in the dreariness of a comfortable but uninteresting job. I see beauty and strength in someone who is able to take that risk for what they care about. That is very hot.
maithri -- well said. sad how few people look at it that way. but i couldn't agree more. i think of it as "depth". that's what i value in a person more than anything else.
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